I recognize the idiosyncrasies of spirituality.
The subtle messages, the louder messages, those that come from within and those that come from outside of you. It’s not wise to ignore the notes The Universe sends you, and so I don’t.
Years ago I would notice these signs and because I did not have a key to understand, I would continue on my rigidly stubborn path I originally intended on going down. I learned from that.
I really learned from that.
Lately, I have been listening to my spirit’s inclination to need rest. Real rest. It’s not easy to find meaningful soulful rest at a time when your demons keep resurfacing to try and continue to define who they believe you should be and how your life should go.
I’ve had haters for a minute though, so I’m well versed in drowning out the unnecessary distorting noise they offer as gifts to our worlds.
I’m not a perfect person. Personally, I don’t believe that anyone is perfect. I have flaws that make me as beautifully imperfect as the next person, and I acknowledge that… readily. However, I am not whom my past defines me to be. I was never that person, and they never cared about who I was until it threatened their bottom line… money.
My bottom line is life… period. While I know that in this society money is a prerequisite in life (unless you go completely off the grid or join an Indigenous Amazonian society… not that they would have us, and with good reason) my incentive is always a little more altruistic. Or more accurately, a lot. That sounds like it may be a positive, and in many spiritual and soulful ways it absolutely is. I wouldn’t want to be any other way. I am also this person in my essence, and I think that I am beautiful stripped down to my Arielle London elements that make me me. But, being altruistic in a 2023 designed society is not always convenient, in fact its sometimes really not functional at all.
I have discovered a way to incentivize myself to garner the money that I intend to have in my bank account and wallet(s), and I’ll let y’all know how this goes eventually… but, my spirit is in need of a real hug from myself, and I have been following up on that as first priority. After everything that I have been through, to ignore my soul and my spiritual guides’ warnings would be the definition of lunacy. I have seen the extraordinary take place in so many different ways in my life, and I know that God is real, so to turn the cheek to The Universe’s messages is the last thing you will ever see me doing. One thing The Universe and my spirit guides are asking of me is to express myself… to really and truly indulge in expression.
Women are under attack in many ways in this era. Whether it is the reversal of Roe v. Wade in The United States of America, the trafficking of women worldwide, the sugar daddy epidemic that riddles my new home of Toronto, or the endless need for small minded patriarchal institutions (men and the soulless women & individuals who benefit from these exploitations) to control female bodies, women are under attack.
I would imagine that Helen of Troy in a 2023 society would feel much like Beyoncé after a busy 24-hour day trying to dodge all of the traps set up for her capture. I don’t really have to imagine… that is my life.
Let’s recap shall we:
- First boyfriend was 6 years older than me, started courting me when I was 16 years old… he moved from Miami to Montreal (“for me”), started a business, bought property, and right around the time he moved to my country he announced that he was actually an Israeli spy
- Second serious relationship was with a Lebanese diplomat’s son, a man who I originally met as my professor at university. He raped me 3 times the first time we were in bed together on June 6, 2010 and had me as “his girl” for a year and a half to follow
- My latest foray into dating led me to find out at the halfway point in a 3-year relationship that my new man was working with the police, the feds specifically, and he had concealed that identity from me completely for the beginning half of our relationship
So, in other words, when it comes to romantic relationships, I’m fluent in feeling trapped.
Then there’s my political activism work where I’m admittedly a total fucking badass. It’s true, I give no fucks when it comes to pushing forward the children’s rights agenda. I keep going no matter what, irrespective of the sometimes very obvious dangers. The kids need it. I needed it as a child, admittedly, with my estranged abusive family’s obsession with facilitating losses of my freedom, I still need it. But, being the creator of The Child-Centric Framework is a huge burden I accepted when I put together the theory at UCL’s School of Public Policy in 2010-2011. I’ve lost my freedom more times than I can count since then, but I’m also known for promoting peaceful protest. I was published in The Montreal Gazette promoting that very concept in 2012. That was the same year I started getting treated like The Children’s Rights DMX of Activism.
So Helen of Troy, I feel you. I read Homer’s The Iliad in Latin in Junior High School and I can relate to your struggle of men thinking of you as a prized possession. Plus, Menelaus is a spoiled brat.
There’s so much inside of me that hasn’t been released over the past year. I have encountered so many challenges since the start of The Year of The Jumpman that survival has been the primary thought on my mind. Since this has been the case, poetry has been more limited to visceral freestyles off the top of the dome, impromptu freestyle dances, occasional songs written and sometimes admittedly discarded (including an entire mixtape of 19 lit tracks), and scribbles on paper here and there.
I never deny my spirt, and since I have ended up in this more recent predicament, I have noticed that my spirit specifically needs a lot of love and care. I am readily providing the focus and attention.
These posts are included in that very personal endeavor.
I haven’t been able to “let my hair down” with a man in a long time. Maybe the last person was my ex I saw at the 6-month mark of this celibacy journey. I hadn’t seen him in some years, and we had such a good relaxed relationship in the past, so that allowed for some really genuine moments. I’ve always said that my favorite type of writing is where I get to let my hair down, and I’ve been missing that type of vibe from life.
Sitting with my ex on my couch, his arm around me, talking about the past few years was… nicer than I had anticipated it would be. When he picked me up and started kissing me, that was even nicer… Nicer than I expected.
Love is an essential force in our world. In fact, in my opinion, I believe that it is the original unit of the universe. Scientifically speaking, I believe that if you cut an atom smaller and smaller within its nucleus you will discover that the energy can be explained to be love at its core. That’s my understanding of The Universe. These are my beliefs.
I hope and pray that I can enter a healthy romantic relationship when the time is right. Hopefully that time will be sooner rather than later, but on that subject I am in no rush. You can’t rush love. You can’t pressure love. You can only embrace it when you are fortunate enough to be in alignment with its presence.
I am independent. I have always been very independent. I had multiple jobs starting from my teenage years, a car early in life, a healthy bank account with frequent flyer miles I was racking up on my own dollar, and friends worldwide. I’ve never relied on a man for much, and this celibacy journey had a lot to do with breaking old patterns that were no longer working for me. It was also designed to help me heal, enter healthier relationships, focus on myself, and develop a new connection to sex itself.
Mission accomplished.
This far into my journey of celibacy, I have had to reevaluate why I am doing this, my commitment to the process and what it means to me.
A few months back I was speaking with a friend about my most recent ex, whom we named “No Snacks.” We called him “No Snacks” because in the 3 years I was with him he never once provided snacks, just the occasional orgasm accompanied with consistent headaches, a mental fog I despised, and constant disappointments. During one of our conversations about “No Snacks,” my homie went off delivering a sermon about “No Snacks” that dubbed him from that point forward as “Never Snacks.” She understood the sacrifices I had made in the past year going celibate and she also understood the vulnerability I felt at that moment in time that could have resulted in me seeing him again, especially since we had recently made contact.
Love is that dangerous. But, sometimes it is more dangerous to deny love. When you know it’s right, and you’re scared, you sometimes run from love. I did that. I’ve admittedly done that more than once. I did that during my relationship with No Snacks. Remember the man that I mentioned in my last post? Well, I actually pushed him away during my relationship with No Snacks. Deadass, I pushed away a gem for a dud. The reason is a bit more complicated than I’m willing to explain, but I’m guilty of not feeling ready. I don’t know how to rectify that. We are limited as human beings to making sure that our homeostasis does not feel threatened. So, sometimes when the real deal comes across our paths we cower from a challenging relationship. Fear presents itself in our paths often, and when it comes to love, attachment styles, childhood traumas, and soulmate connections, sometimes love can be more challenging than we’d care to admit.
But, I’m patient. I’m understanding.
I’ll be here when he’s ready. I just hope that at that time, he knows, I ain’t playing around. I hope that our path is clear of obstacles, or that we’re both brave enough to be present in our connection in spite of them.
I’m notorious for running from love. If you read my book Do You See You? you’ll know that I ran from my connection with Navid. I literally booked it. On our first date, I ran into a high end restaurant and had the doorman call me a cab. While yes, many different variables were in play, running from Navid was something I would regret in the years to come. It would also be something he and I would need to talk about… almost a decade later.
Our survival mechanisms that we develop to get through life so that we can make it to the next stage are not always glamorous. In fact, when we outgrow our former methods of coping I believe that it is a caterpillar-butterfly situation. I’m working on mine, and it’s a lifelong journey I look forward to partaking in daily… I just hope that soon I get the real relationship I crave. I just hope that my soulmate has the courage to love me.
I’m not regular. And, no one who enters a relationship with me on a personal level should expect ordinary from me, because you will be disappointed.
A friend of mine said to me a while ago, “I feel like things just happen to you.” Its an odd thing to hear someone say, but I felt very seen in that moment. Because, in reality… things just do.
We all have an energy. We all have an algorithm The Universe understands and a wave it responds to.
So, Universe… I’m reading your signals, I’m noting your vibe, and I’m moving forward with a revised strategy. I hope I can make you proud in this next chapter of my life. I hope that we can reignite our partnership of symbiosis.
Until then, I’m going to listen to your messages and respond accordingly.
I hope I make you proud. In fact, I hope I make me proud, and my soulmate.
I know he’s watching. I know he’s paying attention. Instinct and angels tells me he isn’t far.
Please give him courage.
I’ve set up a moat so successfully, maybe even he doesn’t know it’s meant to be challenging for him too.
– Arielle London
ARIELLE LONDON MAGAZINE 
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